The Book of Magnificent Monsters Read online

  ‘He marched inside and closed the door behind him. “So, little worms wriggle into peculiar places,” he said with a nasty sneer. “But can they wriggle out again, I wonder?”

  “‘You have stolen all our chickens!” I cried.

  “Why? Whatever are you going to do with them?”

  “‘That is none of your business ... but then, maybe I’ll tell you since you won’t be here long enough to do anything about it.” And he grinned, showing all his glinting gold teeth. “I am going to sell half of them to the River Pirate, who’ll be sailing past this house at midnight. Then tomorrow, I’ll be able to charge whatever I like for my eggs because no one else will have any to sell. I’ll make a fortune! Golden eggs, they’ll be! What do you think of that, little worm?” ‘I stared at him. It was hard to believe anyone could be so mean.’

  ‘I know,’ agreed Dad, nodding his head. ‘The newspapers are full of crooks getting away with it. Makes your blood boil.’

  ‘Well, I was determined he wouldn’t get away with it. I edged toward the door. “You can’t keep me here,” I told him, thinking I could make a dash for it.

  ‘The Baron laughed fiercely. It sounded like a growl. “Oh no, little fish bait, I have plans for you. I will lock you up in the storeroom until midnight, when the River Pirate will take you as well as the hens. A pirate’s prisoner, that’s what you’ll be!” And he grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder like a bit of old rope, and dropped me into the cold, dark storeroom.

  ‘At first, there was just darkness, and silence. But as my eyes grew used to the gloom, I saw the walls were thick stone, and a square of grey light shone in through one small high window. I felt all round the heavy iron door, but it was padlocked, as tight as a treasure chest. I bent down to study the floor, to see if there were any trapdoors, or loose stones. And it was then that I saw it. Lying in the corner, curled up like a wisp of smoke, was a white tiger.’

  ‘The Baron’s tiger!’ screamed Jack. ‘What did you do?’

  ‘Well, it was like this. I just stayed where I was and made no sound. I could see that its eyes were closed. Its legs twitched now and then, as if it were chasing something in a dream. It was asleep, but for how long? I put my head in my hands. There was no way out. I felt like a fly in a web. Only my web was made of solid stone.

  ‘If only I had my magic ghost cakes, I thought. I could walk through that wall, as easily as walking through air. I searched in my empty pockets. Wait! There was a small crumb. But would it be enough to get me all the way through those thick walls? Should I take the chance?’

  ‘Yes, yes!’ cried Jack.

  Tashi nodded. ‘I put the crumb on my tongue and as I swallowed I began to push through the stone. My right foot first—it was gliding through!—and then I stopped. The rest of my leg was stuck fast, deep inside the stone.

  ‘I moaned aloud. Over my shoulder I saw the tiger stir. I saw one eye open. Then the other. I’d forgotten the colour of those eyes: red, like coals of fire. The tiger growled deep in its throat. It made me think of the Baron, and how he would laugh to see me trapped like this. Slowly, lazily, the tiger uncurled itself.

  ‘I scrabbled through my top pockets. Nothing. I was frantic. The tiger was padding towards me. It leaned back on its haunches, ready to spring. It was hard to look away from its snarling mouth, but yes, there in the very last pocket of all, I felt something soft and squashy. Another cake crumb!

  ‘I swallowed the crumb as the tiger sprang. Its jaws opened and a spiky whisker swiped my hand, but I was away, slipping through the stone as easily as a fish noodle slips down your throat.

  ‘Outside it was cool and breezy, and I stretched my arms out wide and did a little dance of freedom. Then I saw Cousin Wu, coming back from his sister’s. I ran to him and told him, in a great rush, what the Baron had done.

  ‘“That thieving devil!” cried Cousin Wu. “I’d like to drop him down a great black hole, down to the burning centre of the earth! But first, let’s go and tell the village.” “’You go,” I said, “but just say to everyone that you’ve discovered who stole the hens—nothing more. There is something I have to do here first."’

  ‘What?’ cried Dad, hanging on to his blanket.

  Tashi smiled. ‘I had other plans for the Baron. You see, it was almost midnight. I hurried down to the Baron’s jetty, to wait for the River Pirate. The moon was up, and soon I heard the soft shush shush of the motor. The boat came around the bend, riding the moon’s path of silver. The Pirate tied up at the jetty, and stepped out.

  ‘He was tall and looked as strong as ten lions. I didn’t fancy being taken as his prisoner, but still I went to meet him. “I have some news from the Baron,” I began. “He has changed his mind about selling you the hens.”

  ‘The River Pirate frowned. It was a terrible frown, and I noticed him stroke the handle of his sword. Quickly I added, “But I have something for you.” I drew out of my pocket a small bag of “gold” that a tricky genie had given me some time ago. “The Baron said that this is for your trouble.” ‘Well, the River Pirate stopped frowning, and clapped me on the back.

  ‘In the distance I could see a large crowd of people marching from the village. They were waving flaming torches high above their heads, shouting fiercely. And there was the Baron coming out of his house, on his way down to meet the River Pirate. He hurried over to see what all the smoke and noise was about, and when he saw me, he gasped with surprise.

  ‘I walked up to him and said sternly, “Here come the villagers. Can you see how angry they are? How furious? You have two choices. Either I will tell them how you stole their hens—and who knows what they will do to you, with their flaming torches and fiery tempers.” The Baron turned pale in the moonlight.

  “‘Or?” he asked. “What about the or?”

  ‘“Or,” I said slowly, stretching out the word like a rubbery noodle, “I can tell them you discovered that the River Pirate had stolen their hens, and, as an act of kindness, you bought the hens back for them.”

  ‘The Baron gave a great growl of relief. “That’s the one I like, Tashi, my boy!”

  ‘But I hadn’t finished. “And you will invite them all to see the wonderful Flying Fireball Circus, which you will bring here to the village next week.”

  “‘The circus? Are you mad? You sneaky little worm, that would cost me a fortune!” roared the Baron.

  “‘Yes,” I agreed. “Don’t those flames look splendid against the black sky?”

  ‘And when the Baron turned to see, the villagers were almost upon us. “WHERE IS THE THIEF! WHERE IS THE THIEF!” they chanted.’

  ‘And did the villagers set upon him with their fiery tempers?’ Dad asked eagerly. ‘No, Tashi smiled. ‘We all went to see the acrobats and the jugglers and the daredevil horsemen at the circus, and we had the best night of our lives.’

  ‘So,’ Dad sighed, ‘I suppose everyone had eggs for breakfast from then on and talked about the circus over tea, and Cousin Wu saw a lot of his sister.’

  ‘Yes,’ agreed Tashi, ‘life was quite peaceful—for a while. Hey, Jack,’ Tashi turned to his friend, ‘let’s go out into the garden and play Baba Yaga.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Jack. ‘I’ll be the witch and you can be the dinner,’ and they raced outside to the peppercorn tree.

  Dad went back to bed.

  One fresh sunny morning, Jack and his Mum were in the garden, watching Dad plant a new gardenia bush.

  ‘It's too early to be up on Sunday morning,’ Mum yawned.

  But Dad couldn't wait to get his new bush in the ground. ‘Mmm,’ he said, putting his nose deep into the flower. ‘That perfume is fantastic!’ He stood up, leaning against his shovel, closing his eyes.

  Jack saw an army of bull ants swarm over Dad’s gumboots. Must be standing on a nest, he thought. Dad began to hop all over the pansy bed. He hit his shin with the shovel.

  ‘Blasted things’ve got into my socks!’ he cried.

  ‘Come over here,’ said Mum. ‘Rest
a bit, it’s Sunday!’

  Dad peeled off a sock while Mum lay back in a warm patch of sun. She bunched her dressing gown under her head.

  ‘Ah, that’s better,’ she said. ‘All we need now is a story.’

  ‘That gardenia should do well,’ said Dad, rubbing his foot. ‘After all the rain we’ve had, the soil is nice and moist.’

  ‘Speaking of rain ... ’ said Jack, settling himself between them.

  ‘A Tashi story, I bet!’ cried Mum, sitting up. ‘What is it—floods, gushing rivers, monster waves?’

  Jack chewed a piece of grass. ‘Well, once, in Tashi’s old village, it didn’t rain for months.’

  ‘No good for his gardenias, eh?’ said Dad.

  ‘No,’ replied Jack. ‘It was no good for anything. It hadn’t rained for so long that little children could hardly remember the sound of it, or the smell of wet earth. There was almost no rice left in the village, and the last of the chickens and pigs had been eaten ages ago. Every day Tashi’s mother sent him a bit further to look for wild spinach or turnips or anything to add to the thin evening stew.’

  ‘Erk!’ Dad wrinkled his nose. ‘Stew pew!’

  ‘Ssh!’ said Mum. ‘And leave your foot alone. You’ll just make it worse.’

  ‘One day,’ Jack went on, ‘Tashi had been walking for hours when suddenly he came upon a gooseberry bush, covered with fat fruit. He happily filled his basket and was just cramming the last few berries into his mouth when he heard a cry. There, around the other side of the bush, was a girl.’

  ‘Berry bushes have terrible thorns,’ said Dad. ‘I expect she’d scratched her hands.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ said Jack. ‘Tashi just said she was very pretty—sort of shiny and special, like the first evening star.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Dad. ‘Gosh.’

  ‘Go on,’ said Mum breathlessly.

  ‘Well,’ Jack continued, ‘Tashi saw why the girl was sobbing. Her legs and arms were tied up with ropes. “Who did this? Who are you?” he asked.

  “‘Oh, please help me,” the girl wept. “I am Princess Sarashina, and I’m the prisoner of two horrible demons. They frightened away my guards and dragged me from my travelling coach. They tied me up here two days ago and I’ve had nothing to eat or drink since then.”

  ‘Tashi began undoing the cords around her wrists. He noticed she was looking hungrily into his basket. But when he reluctantly offered her some berries, she said, “Oh no, not now, they might come back any minute. Where can we hide?”

  ‘Tashi thought quickly ... behind that Dragon’s Blood Tree? No, it was no use hiding, he decided. He and the princess would have to come out some time, and then what?

  “‘You go back to my village,” he said finally, “and I’ll come later, when I find some vegetables. I’m very poor and no use to demons. They won’t hurt me.”

  “‘You never know with demons.” Princess Sarashina shook her head. “My Uncle Lee says demons are like muddy water. You can never see to the heart of them and they vanish through your fingers leaving dirt on your hands. Besides, I don’t know the way to your village.”

  “‘It’s easy,” said Tashi. “Just follow the path between those tall trees, go past the cemetery on your right and then the temple on your left, over the bridge and there’s the village. Ask for Tashi’s house and tell my parents that I’ll be along in a little while. As for the demons—”

  “‘Have you ever met one?”

  “‘I’ve seen a few in my time,” said Tashi. “But never up close.”

  “‘I hope you never do.” The Princess shivered. “Their eyes are red as blood, like two whirlpools trying to suck you in. Good luck, Tashi!” And she ran off towards the trees.

  ‘Tashi wandered through the forest, looking out for wild herbs and demons. He found some sorrel and roots and when his hands were full he decided to make his way home. He passed the gooseberry bush and was just checking to see that he hadn’t left any berries—he hadn’t—when suddenly he was seized by two strong arms and thrown like a ball into the air.

  ‘He looked down into a hideous face. The eyes were red, just as Sarashina had said, and inside their scarlet lids the eyeballs were swirling like flaming mud. Tashi felt himself being drawn into them, like a stone into quicksand. With a huge effort he looked away, staring instead at teeth hooking over great fleshy lips.

  “‘Where is Princess Sarashina? What have you done with her?” the demon bellowed. Oh, how Tashi wished he hadn’t come back to the gooseberry bush!

  “‘I haven’t done anything to her,” he said firmly, just as a second demon came bounding out of the forest. But both demons were now looking hard at Tashi’s jacket. There, tucked into a buttonhole, were the cords that he had untied from Sarashina’s hands and feet.

  “‘What are these then? Where is she?” roared the first demon.

  “‘I won’t tell.”

  ‘The second demon knocked Tashi to the ground and sat on his chest. He stared deep into Tashi’s eyes, but Tashi wouldn’t look back. The demon shifted angrily. Then he smiled so all his dagger teeth glinted.

  “‘I think you will tell,” he said slowly.

  ‘Tashi didn’t like that smile. He thought about demons and Uncle Lee’s muddy water, and how you couldn’t tell what was at the bottom of it. He knew the demon had a terrible plan, but no matter how hard he tried, Tashi couldn’t imagine what it might be. He started to sweat under the demon’s heavy legs.

  “‘I think this will persuade you,” the demon said, and he clicked his fingers. A box popped into his hand. “If you don’t talk, I am going to tip these spiders over you.” He lifted the lid a little to show Tashi what was inside.

  ‘Tashi caught a glimpse of hairy scampering legs and quickly shut his eyes. “I will never tell.”

  ‘He pressed his lips together as he felt spiders crawling over his face and up his nose. Taking a deep breath, he tried to still his mind. Yes, that helped. Then, with a great effort, he squeezed out a giggle. “They tickle!”

  ‘The first demon roared with rage. “Give him to me!” He pushed the other demon aside and tied Tashi to a tree with his hands above his head. “Now we’ll see how you like snakes!”

  ‘He muttered a demon word and a barrel of snakes appeared under the tree. Tashi quivered as snakes slithered over his legs and under his jacket. But he managed to close his eyes, relaxing his muscles and making his mind still.

  “‘Oh good, snakes!” he cried, grinning. “I have three snakes at home, but they’re much bigger than these. I let them sleep at the foot of my bed. Snakes like the warmth, you know.”

  ‘The second demon roared with rage. “Give him back to me!” He poked the first demon’s chest with a steely finger. “We will never find Princess Sarashina like this—or get the ransom you said the Emperor would pay!”

  ‘Both demons glared at Tashi. Their eyes glowed crimson. Then they turned to each other and hissed one word: “RATS!”

  ‘Wah, thought Tashi, I can’t pretend with rats—sharp little yellow teeth, dripping with disease—ugh! He took a deep breath. “Rats don’t worry me,” he said loudly. “In fact, the more there are the better I like it. You can do tricks with rats, you know. Train them with a bit of cheese or meat . .. I do it all the time at home, with my pets Rattus and Ratz.” Tashi smiled broadly at the demons. He was only able to smile, you see, because he’d just thought of a cunning demon trick.’

  ‘That’s my boy,’ said Dad, looking relieved. ‘I hate rats. We had one once in the kitchen, didn’t we, Mum? It gave me nightmares and chewed my socks.’

  ‘Well,’ Jack went on, ‘the demons stamped their feet and jumped about with fury.

  “‘Spiders and snakes and rats are really scary!” wailed the first demon. “Humans are supposed to be terrified by them.” He grabbed Tashi by the jacket. “Why aren’t you? What’s wrong with you? What frightens you?”

  ‘Tashi bit his lip and made his hands tremble. “The only thing that really scares me,”
he said, “is getting stuck in a Dragon’s Blood Tree. Thank heavens there aren’t any in these parts.”

  ‘“Ho, ho, that’s where you’re wrong!” whooped the demons, and they untied him in a flash and dragged him to a tree with branches so thick and twisted together that it was like a magic maze with no beginning nor end.

  “‘One, two, three, up!” they boomed and the demons tossed Tashi up into the tree.

  ‘“Goodbye, Tashi!” they gloated. “You’re trapped now. No one has ever found their way out of a Dragon’s Blood Tree, hee hee!”

  ‘But Tashi disappeared.

  ‘The demons waited. “Where did he go?” asked the first demon uneasily. They gazed up into the net of branches. Not even a rat could wiggle out through those. They bounded back to the gooseberry bush for a better view of the treetop. Nothing.

  ‘“He's gone!” the demons screamed, and they jumped into the tree to find him. They peered and poked about, crawling over each others’ faces as they searched for Tashi.

  ‘Meanwhile, Tashi wriggled deeper and deeper into the darkness of the tree. When he came to the centre of the tangled branches, he wound his way down to a hollow in the trunk. With a shiver he slipped inside. It was so black in that tunnel, and tiny soft things flitted past his cheek. The air grew musty and thick. But Tashi kept climbing down, his fingers finding rough holds. His eyes were stinging as he stared into the dark, until at last he spied a faint ray of light. Squeezing through the opening, he crawled on his belly over the roots and ran off home.